The Triangular theory of Love by psychologist Robert Sternberg is based on 3 principles: passion, intimacy and commitment... what a bunch of crap really... coz, what's invisible in this theory is love itself.
Just think of the love you feel for your child. All I know who has become parents says that the love of there children is greater than any love they ever felt. Now... that’s a love without passion, yet it feels stronger. And the commitment is there naturally, you don’t promise your kids to be there for them 'till death do you part', but still that's how it works.
Commitment... that's where the marriage stuff comes in, but why do we need to promise stuff we cant possibly know whether or not we can keep? Love is not a choice. Love happens. And when it's there the commitment is enclosed as a natural thing, coz you really want the ones you love to be happy, and you love being with them, and yet you know that you are actually never separated, so you can easily set them free. Love is a great time machine, coz its able to transcend all sorts of barriers, space, time, age, gender. Its able to make you remember that you are one no matter what. To touch that is just the greatest everyday magic I know.
Love is like a room, either you've entered it, and know how the room is, or you haven't got a clue. So I guess you'll never really know whether or not you did experience the real thing.
So is marriage just for people who never really loved? But thought they did? They needed to make a promise, because the love, that would make that promise unnecessary wasn't there?
4 had something to say:
Its not not just crap Kean...
Passion, intimacy and commitement are inherent parts of love... it is true what you say, they arent love itself, but...
Being a photographer, see it as your RGB channels.. individually they give you a hint of what the picture might be, but only by blending them togheter you see the final result.
They are part of the dynamically changing ballance that love is..
Many people are focusing on the commitement part,.. flinch from it.. consider it as a limitation of their freedom, and thus deny that it is part of love. Because love must be something good, something that makes you feel good.. and restrictions arent doing that..
So, and that is the paradox, they themselfs react by limiting the spectrum of love. They start confusing love with mere passion. Which, of course, is the aspect we sense the most at the beginning of a relationship.
But what if passion fades? And it does.. Is that the end of love?
Of course not.. while it fades it can be counterbalanced by a growing intimacy...
But, only when there is commitment.
And no, commitment has nothing to do with marriage.. marriage are just words, a contract that is concluded..
Commitment is the feeling of security that you give to your loved ones.. The unspoken promise that you also will be there when you or they have a bork day.. That togheter you will overcome the fading passion.. and, as you state so well, it should be there naturally, not because you signed a contract some time ago..
And that my dear Kean, is why I dont believe in online / virtual love..
Oh yes, there can be a form of passion, and with some people I have even reached a ceratin level of intimacy..
But commitement?...
No,.. when things start becoming difficult, escape is just a mouseclick away..
And then you are only left with your Red and Green channel..
...which of course doesnt mean that I dont like you...
:-p
I totally agree with you V... a lot of the way.
What I tryed to get through in words was, Love is the source of the 3 not the outcome.
And I still disagree with you on the virtual love not being possible. If you run away from it you can in both worlds. You can run away out of fear, or because it just wasn't love, but only passion, intimacy and commitmen... (3 great forces, which I dont think is crap at all, but they are not love).
Playing with RGB without the picture is possible for sure, and fun too, but you just get a square in one color.
Oh and i feel you V... I do : )
Hahaa - talking about breaking love up into its RGB components, I found this interesting reference to the traditional Chinese character for love. I have some personal interest in this since the t-shirt I normally wear has this character prominently displayed on it :p
But, to get the point, the traditional Chinese character used for love involves two signs: the sign for "heart" inside the sign for "accept." You can see this beautiful sign here.
Of course the result is something more than the sum of the elements (heart + accept). Luv's the result of giving or offering and having the giving accepted, or... rather IS the giving BEING accepted, and thus.... continuous gift of self to someone. Cute, huh?
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